Marry First or Get Rich First? A Real Talk About Love, Money, and Life Goals

Marry First or Get Rich First

When it comes to relationships, one question almost everyone has asked themselves at some point is:

“Should I get married first, or focus on becoming financially stable before tying the knot?”

It’s not an easy answer, and honestly, it’s something that depends on your values, your goals, and sometimes a little bit of timing and luck.

Let’s break this down in a way that feels real, honest, and useful for anyone pondering the same question.

The Common Belief: Money First, Then Marriage

You’ve probably heard people say things like:

"I want to build my career first."

"I need financial stability before I get serious."

There’s good reason for this mindset. According to a large survey by Pew Research Center, about half of adults say being financially stable is very important before moving in with a partner or getting married.

This idea of money first fits with what many financial experts teach. For example, in The Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel emphasizes how important financial habits, patience, and planning are in building long-term wealth not just chasing quick wins.

The logic goes like this:

Financial stability can reduce stress
Money issues are one of the top sources of conflict in relationships
If you’re secure, you can focus on growth together instead of scrambling later

Even business personality Kevin O’Leary once said financial arguments harm marriages more than infidelity though experts say communication and shared financial values matter just as much as total income.

But Here’s the Paradox: Waiting for Money Might Hold You Back

Interesting research from the Journal of Family and Economic Issues shows something important: believing you must have a certain amount of money before marriage isn’t necessarily linked to building more assets over time. In fact, young adults who lean too heavily on that belief don’t always end up wealthier.

In other words, waiting until you’re “rich enough” can become a moving target and sometimes it doesn’t help you build real financial progress.

Here’s another twist: economists talk about two different views of marriage cornerstone and capstone. Traditionally, marriage was seen as a cornerstone of adulthood (something you build life around). But now, especially in wealthier societies, it’s become a capstone something people do after they feel successful.

This shift helps explain why people are marrying later in life (often in their late twenties to thirties), sometimes after establishing careers and financial routines.

Marriage + Money: A Team Effort

Let’s be real — money does matter in relationships. But it’s not just how much you have when you walk down the aisle it’s how you handle it together.

Books like Smart Couples Finish Rich (mentioned by financial experts as a helpful guide for couples) show that successful partners usually share financial goals, communicate openly, and plan together before and after marriage.

And honestly? That’s the key takeaway:

💡 Whether you get married before building wealth, or build wealth before marriage, effective communication and mutual planning matter most.

So What Should You Do? – Practical Takeaways

Here’s a real-world way to think about it:

✅ If You Choose to Build Wealth First

Focus on financial habits like saving, budgeting, and planning
Reduce debt early (Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover is one popular resource for structured financial goals)
Use this time to build confidence in career and life skills

✅ If You Choose to Marry First

Don’t ignore money talk about it clearly with your partner
Build financial goals together, even if you start from modest beginnings
Studies suggest that shared financial planning before marriage (like budgeting or setting goals) creates healthier dynamics long-term

🔁 Ideal Mix: Grow Together

You can marry while building your life together not necessarily waiting for perfection. Many couples treat marriage as a partnership, not a finish line. It’s less about choosing money vs love and more about choosing teamwork first.

Conclusion: There’s No One-Size-Fits-All

So what’s the final answer? Here’s a balanced way to think about it:

💬 Getting financially stable can make marriage smoother, but waiting until you’re "rich enough" shouldn’t delay your life or relationships if your values and partner align.

Whether you choose to focus on wealth first, marriage first, or grow together the most important part is communication, shared goals, and planning your future as a team.

References & Further Reading

Pew Research Center – survey on financial stability and marriage importance
The Psychology of Money – Morgan Housel (behavioral views on wealth)
Journal of Family and Economic Issues – study on financial barrier beliefs
Investopedia / Kevin O’Leary interview and expert context
Investopedia Gen Z financial planning before marriage trend
Smart Couples Finish Rich – book on money and marriage strategies
The Total Money Makeover – Dave Ramsey’s personal finance framework

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